"There was no one there to protect me, To make the nightmares go away. it has to sparkle, it has to shine so hard."

 


You know I went straight on tour after his death. I did not go to a psychiatrist, I did not go to a  bereavement group, I did not properly grieve. And I found myself this summer, one night, telling someone about my grief in a way that I’d never told anybody. I realized, you know, after 11 years that I had not properly dealt with this, the fact that I was really in love with this person and he was such a narcissus that he did this crazy thing, and he really did it, you know? It’s not like you commit suicide and then you get to watch your own funeral like the fantasy goes as you’re doing it. You commit suicide and we don’t even know what happens you could be just dead.

You know I went straight on tour after his death. I did not go to a psychiatrist, I did not go to a  bereavement group, I did not properly grieve. And I found myself this summer, one night, telling someone about my grief in a way that I’d never told anybody. I realized, you know, after 11 years that I had not properly dealt with this, the fact that I was really in love with this person and he was such a narcissus that he did this crazy thing, and he really did it, you know? It’s not like you commit suicide and then you get to watch your own funeral like the fantasy goes as you’re doing it. You commit suicide and we don’t even know what happens you could be just dead.

(Source: ohmakemeclover)